A waitress at Shabuzen. [Photo/Agencies]

I felt defeated. I had tried so hard to learn some Japanese and embrace the culture, but I still felt, at best, like an outsider. It seemed impossible for me to avoid being what is perhaps the worst thing in Japanese culture: I was a rule breaker.

As we left the spa I had a mild panic attack and pleaded with Robert to call United and get us on the next flight out of Tokyo.

"They hate us," I said. "They don't want us here." He suggested we discuss it over dinner.

One bite of Taira-san's unagi with sea salt and we decided to give Tokyo a few more days.

If you go

Air China, Japan Airlines and All Nippon Airways provide 3-hour daily flights from Beijing/Shanghai to Tokyo with a single journey ticket priced between 2,000 to 4,000 yuan.

Shinjuku Ni-chome, Tokyo's gay district, from Shinjuku Station, go all the way along the underground Metro Promenade to Exit C8.

Nonbei Yokocho, Drunkard's Alley, 1-25-10 Shibuya, Shibuya-ku

Roppongi street, Minato 106-0032

Harajuku Gyoza Lou, 6-2-4 Jingumae, Shibuya-ku; 03-3406-4743

Albatross G, 5th Avenue, 1-1-7 Kabuki-cho, Shinjuku-ku; 03-3203-3699

Shibuya 109 department store, 2-29-1 Dogenzaka, Shibuya-ku; 03-3477-5111

Kyubey, 7-6, Ginza 8-chome, Chuo-ku; 03-3571-6523

Spa LaQua in Tokyo Dome City, Bunkyo-ku; 03-5800-9999

The New York Times