What's one way to make Chinese city slickers laugh out loud? Tell them your bicycle has been stolen. I'm sure they'll all sympathize a bit, but not too much. Why? Because most Chinese know that empty feeling of falling victim to these dirty rotten scoundrels.

It seems bicycle thieves are busier than a Beijing bricklayer and this month it was my turn to throw a bit of business their way.

My bike was a Forever brand, but it should have been called Six Months. That's how long it lasted.

I bought my beloved bicycle, which I named Willie, for 200 yuan at a department store. For about $20, I thought I scored a bargain, but my colleagues said I paid too much, and should never have bought a new bike.

"You don't want it to stand out," said one of the many bicycle security experts who I now call Nostradamus. If only I'd listened.

China has 470 million bicycles, but about one out of every 100 is reported nicked. In large cities, it is so rampant that some poor sods have had their bikes stolen many times. Now that's what you call a vicious cycle.

According to the Ministry of Public Security, about 4 million bicycles are reported missing every year. So that means many more are stolen because I'm sure many people, like me, don't report it. In one of the world's biggest bicycle cities, what's the chance of finding Willie?

Just imagine the reaction of a Beijing policeman. "Excuse me officer, my bicycle has been stolen and his name is Willie. Can you help me?"

This year six government agencies announced a joint nationwide crackdown on bike theft and I'm on board. Rewards of up to 5000 yuan ($650) are being offered to people giving information on stolen bicycles.

At the launch, a young handicapped man from Nanchang, in East China, said he lost his new electric bike, which cost him three years' savings. "I even thought of committing suicide several times," he said.

I know how he feels.

I'm not going to neck myself over $20, but my bike was not just any old bike. It was my bike; it was my dearest friend in China; it was Willie.

Willie understood all my problems and every Chinese word I ever said. He would never correct me, although he mostly had very good reason. Willie was also patient and kind and loved to hear my country songs as I peddled around the capital.

Now I'm on my own singing Blue Eyes Crying In the Rain.

In Sichuan Province the locals have bicycle thieves well and truly collared. They are using a born-again dog to protect their bikes with stunning success.

Benji was abandoned and taken in by the residents of a local hospital. They offered him food, bathed him and found him a place to stay in the bicycle garage. Benji is now paying back the kindness by being one damn smart watchdog.

The little fellow knows all the bicycle owners and if a thief appears he barks loudly. He's attacked at least one. Since Benji has been on the job he has helped security guards catch six thieves. Not one bicycle has been stolen.

(China Daily 04/13/2007 page20)