Forget date rental for new year
By Raymond Zhou (China Daily)Updated: 2007-02-09 06:54
This could be the premise for a romantic comedy: Someone who
pays for a date falls head over heels in love with that person and they end up
walking into the sunset hand in hand.
In reality, the yarn with Chinese characteristics has only Act I, which usually makes it into headlines and raises a few eyebrows. Many are curious what happens after boy meets girl, but the press does not seem to investigate further.
In the past few years, some young people mostly men and often college students find themselves under pressure to bring their sweethearts on their journey home for the all-important Spring Festival. Mom and Dad want to meet their future son/daughter-in-law. If you don't have a steady but are eager to please your folks, the only option you have is to have someone pretend the loved one.
Now, we've heard of hiring maids or interior designers. Renting a date, albeit for a noble purpose, sounds dubious. People suspect this could be a decoy for seeking prostitution. They wonder how the couple travel and whether they share a room. Well, those who raise doubts probably won't say it, but that's what is troubling them.
You see, people like to worry about certain things. A generation ago, they feared that social dancing could lead to a surge in extramarital affairs. When a man and a woman who are not married touch each others' hands, where would it lead to? Will their physical contact go one step further? This line of thinking will go all the way to childbearing, the inerasable testament of the encounter of a certain kind.
This is not nosiness of select individuals. It is in our genes and sanctified in Confucius' Analects. We just cannot bring ourselves to admit that this is none of our business. But as long as people in the arrangement are consenting adults and do not break any laws, posing as someone's fiance does not really warrant our moral scrutiny.
The real victims are the parents, who are also enforcers of
another age-old code of tradition: namely, children should marry and bear
children, preferably as early as possible. Chinese parents just cannot accept
the notion that their children are independent human beings with the right to
choose their own lifestyle; and whether and when they marry are their own
choices.
Luckily, we no longer live in a time of arranged marriage when parents picked spouses for their children and those entering matrimony did not see each other until the night of the wedding. I wouldn't say Chinese parents are selfish, but they insist certain things be done in certain ways. They are observing old customs rather than thinking for the benefit of their children. That's why those who enjoy the DINK (Dual Income No Kids) lifestyle or are homosexuals who do not want sham marriages find themselves in extremely difficult positions.
However, those who hire dates may not belong to these categories. They just want their parents to be happy and proud. If everyone else is accompanied by the girlfriend, why shouldn't I?
It's one more manifestation of catching up with the Joneses. The herd mentality surfaces in all age groups. The young want to show off their presumably urbanized companions, and the old want to flaunt the success of their offspring their girlfriends, new accents, new gadgets and all.
If someone makes a movie with this plot, it is likely that the parents will see through the charade and say something like "As long as you're happy, I'm happy for you." In reality, nobody will be enlightened this way, and the money used for renting the date will be money down the drain.
(China Daily 02/09/2007 page10)
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