Doing the right thing, the wrong way
By Raymond Zhou (China Daily)Updated: 2006-11-04 07:12
In recent weeks, small groups of young people appeared on
downtown sidewalks in Changsha, Beijing and other cities, holding placards with
the words "free hugs" and offered embraces to any passer-by who would care for
one.
Calling themselves "the hug league" (bao bao tuan), they said they were inspired by an international news story of a similar type and intended to promote human contact in the face of growing alienation in urban China.
Judging from media reports, the result has been less than warm and fuzzy. Onlookers were more often puzzled than exhilarated. Some saw them as "crazy."
The "free huggers," if they can be so called, have inadvertently touched some cultural nerve. In my opinion, they are doing the right thing in the wrong way.
We Chinese, with the exception of some ethnic minorities, are not the touchy-feely type. Contrary to what is shown in our sentimental movies and television shows, we rarely run into each other's arms and cry our hearts out when the occasion calls for background music.
We are raised in a culture of emotional restraint. We mark our meetings and departures with a wave of hand and a handshake of light touch. Not so long ago, even young lovers cuddling in public places were considered "imprudent."
But that does not mean we are immune to the wonderful feeling of human tactility. I remember my mother was visibly moved when I, in my adult years, held her hand for the first time while walking her across a busy street in the US. The circumstance made it more natural.
Think of it, even the handshake is a practice introduced from the West. The traditional Chinese greeting is to hold one's own hands. In the old days, physical contact between the sexes was strictly taboo. Doctors had to feel the pulse of female patients by means of a thread.
In a sense, the "free huggers" are blazing a trail by making the bear hug an acceptable form of human interaction in our society, free from sexual innuendos.
But cultures don't evolve overnight. Many women who opted to join chose those of the same gender. "It's hard to get rid of the old notion that man and woman should not have any physical contact," they explained.
As one can see, the gist of the matter is to associate tactile sensations of this type with the warmth of human connection without creating unnecessary overtones of intimacy.
In the late 1970s when China was coming out of its self-wrought cocoon, some feared that social dance would lead to sexual harassment. But the awkwardness was soon overcome as more and more people came to accept dancing with partners who were not their spouses as a perfectly normal form of recreation. Still, some people are more comfortable with partners of their own gender as one can witness in those dance-a-thons in public parks, which are often misunderstood by Western observers.
In China, it has no homosexual tinge at all for a teenager to walk hand in hand with, or hand on the shoulder of, a buddy of the same sex. But the overwhelming Western opinion is reshaping perceptions and more people realize that this is considered a public display of gay love and therefore begin to cringe from it.
In this environment of changing social mores and etiquette, how people act could be the working of many factors, including their personality. Some offer bear hugs to everyone they know while others would shiver at the prospect of medical personnel touching them with a stethoscope. The line between what is proper and improper often shifts with the sands of circumstances.
Offering hugs to strangers on the street is too radical a step to have any meaningful impact on our customs. If anything, the huggers should start with their loved ones.
Email: raymondzhou@chinadaily.com.cn
(China Daily 11/04/2006 page4)
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