"When does the magic happen?" most Chinese language beginners ask. How long does it take before they can roam from Xi'an to Yunnan and have the ability to speak freely to all and sundry?

But my biggest bitch is a little more selfish. "When does the pain stop?" I always ask.

Every time I study Chinese my head hurts so much. My poor old brain churns and burns and turns until I can't handle it anymore.

When I first started learning Chinese about two years ago, the brain pain began after about 10 minutes when everything became jumbled and confused.

The tones, the intonation and every word sounded the same. For example there are more than 40 meanings for "shi" depending on tone and context.

There was only one word beginning with "shi", which I was able to exclaim very loudly, but considering China Daily is a family newspaper, I will refrain from repeating it here.

There is also the sneaky grammar. My friends are not waiting (zai xia lou) "down stairs" they are waiting stairs down (zai lou xia).

The boy wearing the green shirt never leaves the bakery instead, "wearing the green shirt, the boy leaves the bakery".

Speaking was always difficult, but there was no use replying to anything because I couldn't understand what was being said.

Expats, of all ages and who speak good Chinese, assure us beginners that things get better, and the pain does stop.

This is kind of true. Today I can spend up to 90 minutes on Chinese lessons without suffering brain seizures. After such constructive and productive sessions, I applaud my teacher before collapsing into a heap.