Those of you who have not seen Zhang Ziyi's bikini pictures, be warned.

They appear to show her billionaire boyfriend Vivi Nevo examining her butt crack in excruciating detail on a beach in the Caribbean. The jpegs are not for the squeamish, but that didn't stop China's netizens from taking a peak en masse and causing many of the hosting websites to crash.

Predictably, Zhang's assistant was on the warpath Monday and threatened to sue the sites' owners.

A famous actress goes topless on a public beach in front of other people - some of them with cameras - gets her bf to inspect her bum fluff and then complains about the publicity. Invasion of privacy? I won't delve any further; Nevo has gone far enough.

Moving on to what would have been a celebrity lead story on any other day, we've been covering the ups and downs of former actress Vivian Chow's love life for the past month - and what a fairground ride it's been. First, her writer boyfriend Joe Nieh was caught smooching with a student called Miffty. Then the couple, who had been together for 19 years, split up ...?publicly reconciled ... and now they're married.

At a ceremony on Monday, the Hong Kong pair pledged allegiance to each other in a simple ceremony at their luxury home. Just 20 guests were invited. Even their parents didn't attend, as they had held a traditional Chinese "tea-serving" ceremony last Saturday.

The 41-year-old Chow wore a plain gown and Nieh, 44, got his dinner suit dry-cleaned for the occasion.

They cut a cake, signed some papers and took a few photos.

The odd thing is that in the pictures given to media the couple was not wearing wedding bands. According to various Hong Kong rags, Nieh spent just 2,000 yuan ($292) on a pair of silver Tiffany rings. No one will be calling Chow the "Eternal Maiden Queen" again, but it doesn't sound like the happiest day of her life.

Taiwan singer/dancer Show Luo, known as "Little Pig" to his friends, has been the subject of scrutiny in the pages of Banana Weekly this issue, which probed the secret behind his success.

Apparently, it's all down to a Thailand monk called Bai Long Wang ("King White Dragon") who met the entertainer in May 2007 and forecast he would be popular for 10 years if he stayed away from women.

Since then, his career path has taken an upward path. However, promotional stills of the star making a MV show him kissing a young lady. In an almost scholarly analysis, Banana Weekly wonders if this is the beginning of the end for Luo.

Since he didn't take off his bikini, I don't think so.

Compiled by Jules Quartly