Call me an idiot (you wouldn't be Robinson Crusoe there), but I can't make head nor tail of the entire Blatter-Platini affair, which has made FIFA look dirtier than a Welsh coal miner in the 19th century.

Let me get this right: Sepp Blatter, the head of world soccer's governing body - the aforementioned FIFA - hired European soccer's boss, Michel Platini, as a consultant in 1999 for a two-year period and $2 million.

Not bad dough to say "yes" or "no" once in a while, but none of this was confirmed on legally binding paper, such as: "I, Joseph Blatter, would like to give you, Michel Platini, 2 million Swiss francs for two years if you just say 'oui' or 'non' when I call. Hugs and kisses, Sepp."