I've told at least eight people the same tedious anecdote in the past four weeks. My granny, I begin, likes to put on a faux Yorkshire accent and recite very long monologues by the poet, Marriott Edgar.

One such monologue is called Three Ha'pence a Foot. It tells the story of a building contractor called Sam Oglethwaite who is asked by a chap called Noah for some wood to build an ark. Sam demands a price of three ha'pence (half pennies) a foot; Noah only wants to pay a penny a foot. No deal. And then the floods come.

After 40 days of rain, Noah sails past Blackpool, the only place in the world where there is still dry land - at the top of Blackpool Tower. Noah calls out to Sam, whose chin is just poking over the surface of the water: "Now what's the price of yer maple?" And then comes the rousing finale