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"Non," says the man at the French Cultural Center in Beijing. "You cannot do that here." I am trying to pour him a nip of Chardonnay. Five minutes later, moi and my plonk are dumped back outside in the cold, all attempts to offer an impromptu wine tasting denied.

Well, this is a funny old rejection. The French are saying no to my offer of wine? What's happening to the world? Then I remember what I have in the bottle. It is "le vin chinois".